October 28, 2020

1 Leadership Thought

Remember school dances? Maybe it was Homecoming, Sadie Hawkins, Prom, etc., but the stakes had never been higher. If you asked that person to the dance:

What would people think? How would the person respond? What would happen if they said no? What would happen if they said yes? Oh, the drama.

Unfortunately, it can be like that sometimes at work when we aren’t sure if we should initiate a difficult conversation. Maybe it’s with a boss, a co-worker, or a direct report about something they said or did:

  • Their habit of lateness is starting to cause problems

  • They don’t realize they keep pushing their own ideas in meetings and it’s causing unnecessary friction

  • They said something insensitive about race or gender and it’s making people uncomfortable

So how do you decide? The question you need to ask is: What’s it going to cost if you don’t speak up?

Oftentimes we believe having the conversation is the right thing to do, but we hesitate because we don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. Here’s what you need to believe and accept: Don’t confuse speaking the truth in love with catering to feelings. Love doesn’t mean we avoid helpful criticism, shy away from disagreement, or stay silent on hard truths. It means we speak the truth in a respectful way and consider how our words impact others. (Share this on Twitter)

Hard conversations become impossible when your delivery creates confusion instead of clarity.

Here are 3 ways to be clear going into a hard conversation:

  • Manage your own emotions: Make it a goal to have the lowest heart rate in the room and be a contagious calming presence.

  • Have a plan on a sticky note: You get a sticky note to plan the conversation, but not script it. Write out short, direct points and simple, specific examples. Use this to stay on track.

  • Slow the pace and listen: Make it a two-way conversation, not a monologue. Slow down so the person can digest what you’re saying and have a fair chance to respond and to ask questions.

1 Resource

Betty Thompson on having the right frame of mind:

“I didn’t want to rush things,” she says. “It was a process.” Before even broaching the subject with the employee, she reminded herself of her good intentions. “You need to have the right energy going into something like this. If you’re coming from a place of frustration—which can happen, we’re only human — it will not be a constructive conversation. You have to think: ‘What’s the best way for this person to hear the message?’”

Source: Harvard Business Review: How to Handle Difficult Conversations at Work

1 Question

What’s missing that would allow you to delight in the team you lead?